The Slap Heard 'Round The World

Smack My Ass And Call Me Sally (The Slap Heard 'Round The World)

So I've been doing some research. The sensation of hotness found in most spicy foods is created by a chemical agent known as capsaicin, an active component of plants belonging to the Capsicum, or chili pepper genus. Some theorize that the pain sensation caused by eating capsaicin causes the release of endorphins, producing a pleasant feeling. How right they are...

Capsaicin can also be used as a topical analgesic for muscle and joint pain. Since the chemical mimics a burning sensation, the nerves are overwhelmed by the influx, and are unable to report pain for an extended period of time. As you've probably already guessed, it's also the active ingredient in pepper spray. In sufficient quantities, capsaicin can cause death - symptoms of overdose include "difficulty breathing, blue skin, and convulsions."

The Scoville scale, named after American chemist Wilbur Scoville, measures the concentration of capsaicin in a particular substance. A solution of the pepper extract is diluted in sugar syrup until the "heat" is no longer detectable to a panel of tasters; the degree of dilution gives its measure on the Scoville scale. Thus a sweet pepper or bell pepper, containing no capsaicin at all, has a Scoville rating of zero, whereas the hottest habanero peppers can have a rating of 200,000 Scoville units.

To make a more familiar comparison, Tabasco is rated at about 2,000 units. There are many sauces hotter than that, but the one that claims to be the hottest condiment in the world is called Slap My Ass And Call Me Sally (The Slap Heard Round The World). SMAACMS carries a of 500,000 units, and about a week ago, the bottle I ordered arrived in the mail.

It sat on my counter taunting me for days before I convinced Jordan to try some with me (thus fully exonerating himself from the Atomic Wings shame). We ordered some chicken sandwiches and made sure to have some glasses of milk ready on standby. Then we dabbed a few drops on roughly every other bite of sandwich. I'll be honest, there was no pouring involved. I used a dainty little skewer to apply the sauce, and it still singed every part of my mouth with which it came in contact. Taste-wise, it's interesting, but I wouldn't call it 'good'. If it were a fine wine, I would say it has a bouquet of plum and tobacco followed by notes of napalm and armageddon.

Also, for a science experiment, I poured a bit on to the back of my hand and let it sit for 10 minutes before wiping it off. 30 minutes later, it still stings.

The Chicken Sammich with some SMAACMS smeared on the left hand side. As you can tell, I didn't get too aggressive with it.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to mention that substances with higher Scoville ratings than SMAACMS are available for sale, but those meant for consumption are only supposed to be use as an additive, not a condiment.

Law enforcement grade pepper spray carries a Scoville rating of 5 million units. You can even buy a bottle containing a pure capsaicin crystal with a Scoville rating of 16 million. And while we're talking about extremes, wikipedia mentions that the Scoville scale can be extrapolated to express the pungency of substances that are even hotter than pure capsaicin. One such substance is resiniferatoxin, an alkaloid present in the sap of some species of euphorbia plants, with Scoville scale rating of 16 BILLION. Nice.